Rowhouse Logic - Breathtaking Inanity

I don’t usually follow college football very closely, but I have to say that the last two nights have been a treat. It’s an extraordinarily rare occasion that we see two terrifically competitive college bowl games played in prime time on consecutive evenings. This year’s Orange Bowl and Rose Bowl provided football junkies with enough juice to satisfy the crazed soul for at least a week or two.

Like a lot of people, I tuned into the Rose Bowl tonight for a last chance to watch Reggie Bush tear through a college defense. That’s all well and good, but the thing I came away from tonight’s game with is slack jawed awe at the talent of the Longhorn’s quarterback Vince Young. The guy is a six and half foot tall monster who can run a game, has an arm like a cannon, can throw an accurate pass with a defender or three wrapped around his knees and can put the ball down and run over a swarm of defenders and shake a few more. All that and he’s a Junior. Damn. If he’s even half as good as he played tonight, I suspect we’ll be hearing his name in close proximity to glowing accolades for a decade or so to come. If he winds up on the Redskins or Cowboys, I think that will serve as the final piece of evidence that the universe is conspiring against Philadelphia sports fans.

I’m not a fan of the Blog Meme and have lived in dread, for well over a year now, that some sad soul might tag the ragged likes of me. And so it has come to pass. I have been tagged with the always dull and never delightful “meme of fours.� I already know this is going to end badly.

As it turns out, the tagger is one of those popular kids with a website people actually like to visit. Indeed the tagger is something of a militant suburbanite who, I fear, is a good deal tougher than me. This forces me into the awkward position of following the rules widely observed in the middle and high schools of our great nation and bow to the dastardly desires of the popular kids in the vain hope that they might one day look upon me as something more than snot on the wall.

It’s not really a coincidence that this meme tag forces me to live by high school rules, as blog memes generally have a very grammar school scented funk about them. This funk is natural to the medium, because long before there were big influential political blogs, there were overly emotional teenagers writing about how life shattering it is to be dumped by somebody they had been dating for less than a week. Combined with black backgrounds, illegible fonts and lots of god awful suicidal poetry, the rants of recently jilted teenagers are the bedrock of this fine medium - the blog. So it goes.

Four jobs you’ve had in your life: Dishwasher, Line Cook, Law Firm Gopher, Geek Farm Cubicle Fertilizer (current)

Four movies you could watch over and over: Moulin Rouge (If I hear you laugh, this is going to get ugly), Dead Man, Naked Lunch, Primer

Four places you’ve lived: Fairmount, Rittenhouse Square, Bryn Mawr, Washington Square West

Four TV shows you love to watch: This is going to get ugly, because while I probably watch a little too much TV, love is just way too strong a word. Are there really people out there who love the crap on TV? Oh well, here are four things I watch regularly: Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Charlie Rose, West Wing and do seven hours of football on Sundays count? Was that a yes? Football it is.

Four places you’ve been on vacation: Pshaw! This militant suburbanite speaks with a forked tongue. Do people go places on vacation? When do they get the time and who pays to send them? Wait. Fuzzy memories from years long forgotten are flooding my brain like so much sewage on a warm Summer’s night: Montreal, London, Bermuda and somewhere in Mexico with a beach and a jungle.

Four websites you visit daily: The Liberal Avenger, Philly, Above Average Jane, Football Outsiders

Four of your favorite foods: Peking Duck, Yellowtail Sashimi, Greek Octopus, Bun Dac Biet

Four places you’d rather be: Nowhere. I like it right here .

Tagged: I’m going to be lazy and name one site with four words in its title – Forever a Square Peg

This post will be mostly worthless and just a little geeky, but I don’t recall making any promises that any would be anything other than that. Anyway, I very rarely look at this site’s stats because, well I don’t really know - because of stage fright I guess. Today, however, I was fixing a stat counter that I had broken intentionally, though not maliciously, on a certain militant suburbanite’s website, so I had a quick peek at my own. Nothing too exciting, but something I did find strange was that one of the most frequent entry points for robots (the programs search engines and professional spammers use to catalogue or defile the internet depending upon their preference) is a silly little post I wrote in March dealing with some nonsense from Jerry Falwell.

In the post I included a quote from a letter written by Thomas Jefferson in 1820, along with the full text of the same letter. In light of the ongoing War on Christmas, I thought it would be fun to be fun to post the quote and the letter again. Granted it’s not at all relevant to the war at hand, but it’s good to remind oneself, from time to time, of our country’s founding in the ideas and ideals of the Enlightenment. Some, though not all, of the ideas contained within would likely disturb the tender, persecuted psyches of many a member of our ruling party.

I say, that this free exercise of reason is all I ask for the vindication of the character of Jesus. We find in the writings of his biographers matter of two distinct descriptions. First, a groundwork of vulgar ignorance, of things impossible, of superstitions, fanaticisms and fabrications. Intermixed with these, again, are sublime ideas of the Supreme Being, aphorisms and precepts of the purest morality and benevolence, sanctioned by a life of humility, innocence and simplicity of manners, neglect of riches, absence of worldly ambition and honors, with an eloquence and persuasiveness which have not been surpassed. These could not be inventions of the groveling authors who relate them. They are far beyond the powers of their feeble minds.

The letter was written to William Short, by Thomas Jefferson on August 4, 1820. I have included the full text after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

Well this is quite an old thought that I would have written a little about had I been writing at the time. If you recall, one of the qualifications cited for Harriet Myers’ nomination to the Supreme Court was that she had served as a Dallas city councilperson. That caused a rather horrifying thought to cross my mind which went something like “Oh god, there isn’t any danger that somebody might nominate Janie Blackwell to the Supreme Court, is there?” I entered a fugue state, but with the aid of modern medicine I was able to regain my senses pretty quickly.

Like I said, it’s an old thought that isn’t at all relevant to anything, but I wanted to share it anyway. I’ll lay off Harriet and Janie both for the time being. Neither has ever done anything to me and it is the holiday season after all.

Speaking of the jump, if you’ve never seen the human impact crater left in the pavement as the result of a jump from somewhere north of 20 stories, you’ve probably never really felt real horror at the thought of the combination of gravity and mental illness. Then again, maybe I’m being regional. Whatever.

…more than a few years ago I had a close friend who lived on the 23rd floor of the Chancellor Building on south 13th street in Philadelphia. I used to spend quite a lot of time there as we went to two different schools together and liked playing computer games until about five or six in the morning while polishing off a carton of menthol cigarettes and a bottle of Merlot………….Ah, to be young,

Anyway, one early Sunday afternoon we were accompanied in the elevator by two young, bright faced crime scene investigators. They stood out from the shabby mass in their dark blue, polythene jackets - their position in the police department emblazoned in two inch high letters on their backs.

That they were the two happiest sad people I think I’ve ever seen is what really sticks, however. Their cruel jokes and toothy grins still strike me as the most awful sort of gallows humor I’ve ever seen. It was not the humor of the condemned or the executioner, but rather the humor of the spectator forced to watch in order to maintain their station. Laughing to maintain.

Somewhere around the 15th floor either my friend or I (probably him) got up the nerve to ask what was going on. They giggled something fierce, but as it as it turned out, his next door neighbor had ‘cratered’ in the alley of his own volition. They were called in to gawk at the ‘cratered’ corpse, which landed in some filth next to a dumpster, and to make sure that nobody got pushed.

Nobody did.

Happens all the time.

Look up.

I thought I would come out of my little hiatus to note that this blog is one year old today. Here is the first post (a test) as it looked then. There have been 862 posts since then, though not all of them by me. That is all. Carry on.

Postscript: The title doesn’t really mean anything. It’s just a tribute to the Cowboy King, without whom none of this would be possible. Speaking of the Cowboy King, you should go read this.

“Get Fucked Mr. Cheney…Go Fuck yourself Mr. Cheney.”

~An Unknown resident of Gulfport, Mississippi as picked up by CNN’s microphones during a Cheney press conference.

To the unhinged loon who wants me allow him to publish hate filled, anti-Semitic conspiracy theories about the what happened to levees in New Orleans; try as hard as you might, I’m not going to publish them - ever.

Just a piece of advise for you sir; the internet is cheap and despite what many claim, bandwidth is so cheap it’s a joke. You could probably pan handle enough for a year’s worth of bandwidth and a domain name in a day or two. You may have enough under the cushions in your sofa. Go get yourself some bandwidth and a domain. It’s really very easy and I’m sure you’ll find numerous fans who will gladly bask in the glow of your well roasted nuts.

Until then, don’t forget to polish and wax your neural implants, because your comunication is getting scrambled and we, the loyal members of the thought police, are having trouble monitoring your brain waves.

I’ve never deleted a comment left on the site before this evening. The comments are and will remain open to all viewpoints, with little exception. I cannot, however, tolerate hateful anti-Semitic conspiracy theories and rants being published here. This is not the place. What I read earlier, in six comments left here, was so awful that I had to go against my own policy and delete some very ugly things. I hope everybody understands.

Go to Google, type in the word “failure”, press “I’m feeling lucky” and enjoy.

This is part of an ongoing effort to provide a service to select individuals who might, for what ever the reason, not be able to recall what they did last night. This can be disconcerting when being questioned about your doings , to say the least. I believe with the advent of the internet, we finally have a solution to this age old problem, so I’m just trying to do my small part.

For the entire time I had her under my observation last night, Autumn conducted herself with both grace and dignity. She was dressed sharply and presented herself as a confident young woman ready to take on the world. I heard no vulgarities or crass comments pass her lips. Her social interaction with others seemed to be on par with one might expect from a person of Autumn’s character and should present no problems as she moves into the next stage of her life. Her knowledge of subjects as diverse as modern poetry, geopolitical trends in southeast Asia, and domestic policy minutia was a refreshing surprise to all. Overall I’d say that Autumn conducted herself in a way that should make her husband, her family and, indeed, her ancestors proud. Good going sport!!!

I’ve been too busy with other stuff to even nail down a coherent thought in a few days, so I’ll just post this silly picture.

I got an email last week entitled “Dick is a major cause of divorce,” which struck me as somewhat unreasonable on all fronts. As I think about it, however, my scepticism slowly fades away.

I was a little concerned about one of the statements I made in the previous post, so I decided to do some research to see if I could verify it. Unfortunatly I cannot back up the statement “many other Republican politicians have come forward with legitimate, serious and timely questions about our nation’s war effort in Iraq.”

The staff^* and I have poured through our records, done a few exhaustive searches of both the internet and Lexis, but could find no substantive basis for that claim. This doesn’t mean nothing like that ever happened, just that nobody ever wrote it down, recorded it or said it on a television show with a published transcription. As you may have guessed, the problem stems from my use of the qualifiers “legitimate, serious and timely.” I deeply regret my error and apologize for any agony this may have caused your delicate hearts and minds.

*My reference to having a staff is no longer operative. I’ve searched through my records and I can find no record of their existence. I apologize for the confusion.

I never knew my friend Matt had such a dirty mind. Heavens! Needless to say, Matt won’t be receiving the sort of praise I reserve for upstanding gentlemen like Dave any time soon.

It’s a little disconcerting, though strangely reassuring, to find details about what you were doing last night posted on the internets. In reality, this sort of thing may turn out to be a useful service for those of us might, for whatever reason, have trouble recalling that sort of thing. For instance, when you find yourself confronted by your significant other with the question “what did you do last night?” you might be able to answer with something more satisfying than “great question,” if somebody was nice enough to write about your doings.

With that in mind, I’d like to tell you that for the hour or so that I had my eyes on him, Dave behaved like a perfect gentleman. I heard him say nothing crass and his anecdotes were nothing if not witty. Indeed, to the best of my recollection, nary a vulgarity passed his lips and he dressed smartly. I’d even go so far as to say that he did his family and his ancestors proud. Keep up the good work kiddo!

On a completely separate note, I’d like to pass along something I learned last weekend that I think you bastards might find useful. If you should find yourself invited to a social event at somebody’s apartment, it’s considered bad form to berate and yell at the other guests. Don’t say nobody ever told you, because I just did.

That might not be such good news after all. You may well have been left behind and didn’t even realize it. If so, this doesn’t bode well for you in the afterlife. By the way, I’m way too busy for this crap. Have a nice day!

If I were to write that a certain politician was a sandwich bag filled with lukewarm Vaseline and crushed Valium, would you know who I was referring to? I’m just curious because I used that phrase earlier this evening and a friend of mine told me I should write more like the way I speak. This is all a learning process and it’s difficulty to find the right or the comfortable boundaries. I’m certainly more muted and respectful on the site than I am in person, but should this be so? As an example , when public figures can behave like this or this, is there really any reason for any of us to hold anything back?

And then there is this from Digsby:

I think most liberals’ first priority at this point is to remove the Republicans from sole power and many in the Democratic netroots have come to the political conclusion that we will only do that if we speak truth to power. The immoderate tone that thrills the netroots is not just for emotional satisfaction; it is a political strategy for beating the opposition.

I think that many in the netroots are no different than the vast majority of Americans everywhere. Policy is seen through a heuristic prism of impressions, image and preconceptions. Very few people are engaged in politics as a purely intellectual debate about the actual efficacy of one policy over another. Most people, even most smart people, make their political decisions based on a whole range of perceptions, only a few of which are based on strict reason.

…Will our “shrillness” help or hurt the party? I think the netroots believes it’s time to try a message that has a little more heat than lukewarm water. The establishment, still smarting from their seminal loss in 1972, is scared to death of anything that resembles real passion. Far more than a serious division in the party over specific policy, that, I think is the real fault line. What kind of politics — not policies — do the Democrats think will win?

This is a struggle for some of us - I know it is for me. My own voice, when I really speak, can be quite shrill and immoderate , but I tend to shy away from that sort of thing on this site. I’ve found, to my surprise, that I sometimes reserve my harshest criticism for other Democrats. I think the reason for that is a combination of living in a town controlled by an inept where it counts Democratic machine and thinking that my fellow Democrats really ought to know better than to ever roll over for the Bush administration.

This is a frustrating reality to live in if you hold a certain set of beliefs. The Democratic party has no control over the direction of this country and its official organs often don’t really seem all that interested in gaining that power. People with whom I tend to agree do not make policy decisions - ever. The people who do make those decision have been proven inept to the core and their values often do not reflect even the very basic trappings of decency. That may be a good enough reason to throw the comfortable, but harmless lukewarm Vaseline and crushed Valium to the pavement and be a little shrill.

Toynbee tile at the intersection of 15th and Chestnut. Picure from Resurrect Dead Mystery.

I’ve seen these things tiled onto streets around town for quite some time now and, to be honest, never gave them a second thought. Not until I read this article on Philly Future about the mystery behind the origin and maker(s) of the Toynbee tiles, that is. Now I’m sucked in and I’ve spent the last half hour reading sites like Resurrect Dead Mystery which are dedicated to the Toynbee tile mystery. There’s even a Wikipedia entry on the subject. Have fun.

Via Akkam’s Razor

In an effort to speed this site as far from relevance as possible, I present you with the partial text of an email sent to me by a virus earlier today.

Lungs jousts I can himself your Manchester. Civilizing were Nagasaki him chronology’s scooped. They Lao are dynasties. You rural may launders its. Institution you is reviving, mine allays. Adjacency weis halls, him which flaunting. It Eleazar are railroader. Carbon Jaime, with he were decision’s mine. Ensnared lockout’s it be inhospitable them. We interrelates would communal me. Arch may conforms, mine is filtering replicated. Airport are Graff mine Pinsky. We intimater I enthusiast’s acceleration has been quantify her. Manville commiserate they does when leakage’s yours. Badinage is huckster, mine have been commoner’s fusty. Vance are notarizing, your is brotherhood adapt. She consular she daub accuse could gainful them. Jeweler can rims me batches chronology. They Denver in you inhibited quasi has been Indira its.

Arch may conforms, mine is filtering replicated indeed!

So what can we learn from this? First of all, this type of virus searches text documents on an infected computer and gathers ever nth word for the text of the email it sends out. Judging from the vocabulary used in the selected text, I would imagine that the owner of the infected computer is probably a little smarter than the average bear. Secondly, and most importantly, Manville commiserate they does when leakage’s yours.

This is too funny, go have a look. By the way, don’t you just adore eight word posts with no information at all? I know I do.